The Fears Are Real And Here To Stay

A few weeks ago I wrote about a friend of mine telling me she is pregnant. Over these last few weeks she has also shared some of her fears.

It's triggered a lot of memories of the fears I harbored when I was pregnant and a reminder of all the fears I live with today. Before you continue reading, you should know this post is not going to be the funny story telling vibe I usually write with.

I started this blog to support women who struggle to find the information they need online. While there's plenty of advice on dos and don'ts, I found little that truly addresses the emotional journey of motherhood and for this post, how persistent our fears can be. What occupies our minds during pregnancy and once the baby arrives.

Below, I've listed my pregnancy and mom fears. As mentioned, this post isn't going to be lighthearted. I'm here to be honest with all the moms reading this. If you've felt or are feeling these fears, you're not alone.

Pregnancy Fears

1. The fear of tripping and falling on my stomach, risking the baby's safety.

2. Worrying that my age could cause me to lose the baby.

3. Concern that an unnecessary detour (like running to the ice cream store) might lead to a car accident, endangering myself and/or the baby.

4. Fearing a stroke or aneurysm during delivery, leaving the baby without a mom (I had a difficult labor with my first child and had to be put on oxygen during labor, so this fear was multiplied during that time).

5. Walking around the neighborhood and the fear of being hit by a reckless driver.

6. During reflux stages, the fear of choking at night and not being discovered in time.

7. With my second child, gestational diabetes made me anxious about my diet. After a high sugar reading (I ate pancakes for breakfast), I feared the numbers wouldn't go down and what that would mean for the baby. I didn't eat pancakes again until after delivery.

8. If the baby didn't kick every hour, I feared something was wrong and needed immediate medical attention.

Mom Fears

1. I try to avoid riding in the same car with my husband, fearing an accident that will leave our kids without parents.

2. SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is a fear that still grips me. With our kids older, I sleep better, but we relied on the Owlet sock for peace of mind during the first 18 months for both kids. It once alerted us due to a sensor issue, proving its effectiveness when my girl was a baby.

3. Worrying that my husband would throw the comforter off of him at night and it would land in the bassinet (if it was at the foot of the bed) and cause suffocation. (As a note, my husband is not known to throw covers off the bed, but my fear didn't care).

4. I am vigilant about the possibility of someone at the park or in our neighborhood attempting to take my kids. Individuals with bad intentions can appear in any form, and they don't have to be complete strangers. They might be someone you recognize or have spoken to briefly but don't know well.

5. I have a fear about my kids being harmed by someone. This fear relates to #4 on this list, and I can't go into the specifics because I have to guard my mind against these scenarios. No parent should have to face this fear, but it's a reality that danger can be present anywhere.

6. Insisting on handholding in parking lots due to fear of reckless drivers (I even hollered at a speeding driver at Walmart over the weekend. There is NO reason to be speeding in a crowded parking lot. You can't always see small kids when in a vehicle).

7. Stridor breathing in babies, RSV, and croup are terrifying. My daughter had croup recently, and waiting for urgent care to open was agonizing, but she was eating, drinking, and talking so I convinced myself not to race her to the ER. My little boy's asthma also keeps me on my toes, though his inhalers are effective.

8. Cancer is an unimaginable fear. Knowing parents who have lost a child to it is heartbreaking.

These are the fears I've faced and continue to face. We've all heard that a parent never stops worrying, but fear and worry are distinct. I didn't realize the depth of these fears until I experienced them. While I don't want to keep my kids in a bubble, I understand why some parents hesitate to let their kids out of the house.

Worries are constant, from ER visits for accidents that entail broken bones and stitches to concerns about bullying or isolation at school. As they grow, we worry their decisions might negatively impact their lives. We want them to explore life freely while protecting them as much as possible.

Fear can induce overwhelming anxiety, and worries feel like walking a tightrope. I wish I could say it gets easier, but the truth is, fear and worry become part of you. We may return to a semblance of normalcy after delivery, but we're forever changed.

--Amber