A Face Full of Expressions + A Loud Mouth

Let's get this out of the way right now. Despite what I think about myself, which is caring, funny, and lovable, I'm not known, outside of my own thoughts of course, for being pleasant.

Just a few weeks ago, a friend/co-worker casually mentioned that at least half the people in our department (that's 130+ folks!) are scared of me. She added that she's described me as a cactus on the outside but a cuddly bear on the inside. Not exactly a glowing endorsement.

Another friend/co-worker walked by a meeting room I was in, and I waved goodbye because it was the end of the workday (told you I was caring!), and she was leaving for the day. Her wristwatch started beeping because her heart rate spiked just by acknowledging that I was looking at her. Again, not winning any popularity contests here.

My husband once felt the need to apologize to the Olive Garden hostess because we went there for lunch during the work week, and they said it would be a 20-minute wait, which I didn't have time for. I looked at the hostess and said in my usual tone, "I do not have time to wait on a table," then turned and walked out. My husband followed a minute later and told me he apologized for my direct and not-so-nice tone to the hostess (WHAT?!).

I didn't even realize the hostess might have thought I was rude. Since when did being direct become rude? Now, here's the part where everyone who knows me will nod in agreement—I'm LOUD. No, I don't have a hearing problem. I'm just a loud talker. It's a family trait. So, is being direct. And there are people out there who do not like both of those traits put together.

And my face... well, there's always an expression on it and it's not always smiling. In fact, I'm pretty sure it often mirrors the expression my mom and aunts would give my cousins and me when we were misbehaving as kids. And let me tell you, they had some scary faces when upset. Their faces would somehow sharpen (don't ask me how!), their brows would furrow, and they'd purse their lips in disapproval, and in their LOUD voices, let us know where we went wrong.

And of course I have a type A personality! When things don't go the way I've planned them, I get upset. My face sharpens, my brows furrow, and I purse my lips in disapproval. And I may or may not mutter a string of words I can no longer say at home because I don't want my kids repeating them.

Speaking of my kids and my facial expressions, they seem unfazed by any of the faces I show them. They think I'm funny and laugh a lot at my facial expressions. It's to the point where I have to say the phrase "I'm being serious" so they know I'm not playing games and yes, it's time to get ready for school, bed, or to clean up the playroom. And they have no reaction to my loud voice. I mean why would they? They've been hearing it since before they even arrived into this world.

My husband is also well-acquainted with my facial expressions + loud mouth. We've been together for 14 years, 12 of those married. And yes, I've been the same since we met. In fact, I'm even softer now than before I had children. A truth I like to point out to anyone who comments on how my directness + loudness might offend.

It's not a switch I can turn on and off either. Pretending to be someone else is exhausting. I watch my husband flit around like a social butterfly and know that I can't do that. He will chat with anyone about anything. He has such a charming aura that people flock to him like bugs to a bug zapper. I'm well aware of this aura—it's what attracted me to him in the first place. I don't have this same type of aura (self-awareness is key when you have a facial expression for every emotion + a loud mouth!).

What's interesting is that my husband and I are alike in so many ways. He's, however, known for his suaveness, and I'm known for my thorniness. But hey, it takes all kinds to make the world go round. And after two personality tests provided at work (one of them I took twice), I can attest that being direct is just who I am. And being loud is just who I am as well. And yes, my face is going to show any emotion I'm feeling.

Thankfully, my kids love and accept me for who I am. My husband seems to have accepted his fate being tied to mine too. What you see is what you get with me, and I can live with that.

--Amber